My life has gone through tremendous changes even at a young age. For I am only 26 years old but I have gone through many ups and downs in my life that I thought will not happened to me earlier. But who knows? At least, as of so far, I'm currently living a happy and joyful life.
I don't come from a well-to-do family like most of my friend does. Even as a teenager me, I had to work during school/uni term breaks to support my family and myself. I envied all my friends that had the opportunities to go for vacations during school holidays while I had to work. Even my brothers themselves chose to have a jolly time during school holidays instead of trying to help out the family. They were very much unlike me, for I will choose to lighten the burden off my mum's shoulder. Despite the financial situations that we encountered, I must say we lived a happy life. The whole household was never silent. There were always laughters around. Me and my brothers, even my mum is an open and hilarious person. We kept the house fun to lived in.
Then, my father started to behave strangely and one fine day, I still remembered my mum was crying while she was ironing our clothes. I do not understand why at the age of 13 year old me when I saw her crying. Then, I finally realized what had happened. We went through a lot from there. I still remembered the scene where I knelt in front of Kuan Yin Goddess till the incense finished burning to its last flame, begging HER to bring him back to us. Luckily in the end, he turned back, for if not, I think he will regret it for the rest of his life. There goes our happy family trying to resume our happy lives. This continues until my elder brother decided to shift out with his girlfriend even before their intention to get married. I saw the sadness in my mum's eyes but she could do nothing than to let them go. Gone from there onwards a brother that has shared so much with me. He has always loved me so much, every night sharing our bedtime chats. He is the type of brother who knocked off whoever that bullies his little sister. But since the moment he walked out, he brought the love away with him. Until now, we hadn't got much to talk anymore especially since he already has a family. And also, from the moment he disagreed with the decision that I have made....
Despite whatever that happens, I excelled academically. I still remembered there was this Indian girlfriend of mine who sat beside me and always like to copy my schoolwork. Who knows, the world is round and eventually now she is even earning higher than me and doing her Masters as well. What a funny thing for I think what is the used to excel so well academically when I just couldn't do as good in my career? Beg me pardon, not that I'm underperformed. It's the prospect of job from what I had studied in Uni that is not doing very well. They said a good education leads to a good job. No doubt but sometimes we can just landed and got stuck on the wrong planet.
For I thought I loved this man that I have been through for 6-7 years. A man that I determined to marry and live the rest of my life with. A man that I wished to know everytime when I looked at him on how will my child look if he fathered it. But it was only sadness that concealed me everytime I looked at other children thinking I was supposed have one but I have to let it go due to both of us were still young at that time. Year passed, again unfortunately, he started to behave rebelliously once he know I wanted to settle down with him even despite me carrying his second child this time. He was not ready for all these, he said. I went through a hell lot, disappointments, emotional strains and breakdowns, draining me both physically and mentally wanting him only to accept me and his child. I still remembered Yenny trying to console me with words like "Don't be sad, the baby will know it and you wouldn't want him to be sad either". The only thing that I had that time were just comforting close sisters and family. They were the only one that witnessed how painful I were at that particular moment.
However, I still managed to settle into marriage with him despite the fact that he had ignored earlier, i.e., we had already registered our marriage a year ago before I had this child. I had tough time, really really tough time trying to tame him down, getting him accustomed to our marriage. Few times I ran away from his home due to sadness and disappointments. As time passed, he managed to settle down eventually and things went on fine until I discovered an affair of his merely 2 weeks before my childbirth due date. Another trauma started again and forgiveness took place considering the birth of my child soon.
My life was completed with my son's presence to my world and it was only then I knew he was all that it matters. We managed to live a normal life for about 1 year after Lunz's arrival when all the misunderstandings, mistrust and arguments took place. We had many sequence serious fights and divorce was brought up over and over again until I couldn't bear it and eventually gave him what he wants. If that is what he wants, he will have it.
We were separated since and it took me 9 months to get over and through with it. In this 9 months, I have been asking myself whether this was right for me and my baby? I eventually made a choice and never looked back since.
He came into my life at my most downfall, offering every bits of advices and comforts to me. Promising with his every breath, willing me to give him a chance to take care the both of us. And, that person was Daddy. He was there with me when I had all the emotional struggles. He was always there giving full supports, defining things for me and yet hope nothings in return. We were together since despite strong objections from family members even my mum as well. That was where I had a big fight with my elder brother. He saw that I was not mending my marriage where in fact he does not know the story behind it. He accused me. No one knows how hard I fight to get the happiness I wanted. The life that I finally deserved. Time, is the only thing that I could rely on to make them understand.
My mum eventually turned towards me and gave me her full support despites having to swallow all the hard accusations from my brothers that she was siding me in everything. And that she was awfully blind. Ever since then, I vowed to prove them wrong! As time passed, slowly everyone begins to realize that I have made the right choice. Time has done its job.
I was a happy woman since. There is no lacking of love for my son. He has my everything in the world. Although I admitted that sometimes me and daddy has our own opinion on things that might lead to little arguments but which couple doesn't? As long as there is no damage to our love and pride, it only made our relationship stronger. And as for a man he is, he loves my kid exactly how a man would love his own child. I noticed he had a smile craved across his face everytime he looked at Lunz even until now and for times to come.
I am just half way through with my life and yet I experienced everything at a young age. From pregnancy to childbirth, marriage to divorce and all the ups and downs in my life. I knew perhaps others has the same destiny as mine or even for worse but I wanted to document it down for at least should I unable to tell him his mummy's life, he will be able to know from here.
I have always wanted to have someone calling me "Mummy" and now I have one that kept calling me "Mimi, are you OK?" along with all his mischievous little actions. I have always wanted to travel around the world and now I have got a job that my friends envied. A job that sent me to places that I can only dream of going previously. I have wonderful friends around me that just keep me laughing everyday or the moments I spent with them. I have a fun and supporting parents and the MOST important thing, I have a man that loves my son no lesser than I do.
And for now, is this what being said as living life to the fullest? You betcha! ;)
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