Big Row With Brother

One good thing about having a blog is that you can pour out everything that's in your mind into the blog without fearing what other people would think, what other people would comment because that's your blog! You are free to write and post whatever you want. You have the right and no one can judge you for that. Having a blog is also a good way of conveying messages that you can't say it face to face with that particular person. You don't have to tell and yet he or she knows because they follows your blog. It's also good for your soul. You can blurt out all your unhappiness when no one is listening to you. At least you wouldn't erupt like the volcano when you keep things buried in your heart. That's some advantages of blogging.

I just wanna say at this very moment I missed my sis in Makati very much. In fact, every moment when I feel like talking to her, I'll miss her. I can't just pick up the phone now and talk to her because she's practically so far away and even if I do, by the time I really let her know what's happening to me, we have to put down the phone already. I mean I wouldn't wanna waste my precious calls just by telling her what had happened to me. So, it's good I can put it down here.

She is always the first person that I can tell her my problems besides daddy. She has with me for over 10 years, know everything about me, understands me and I always felt better after talking to her.

Well, sis. I had a big row with my younger bro just now. What breaks my heart the most is despite my effort to mend the relationships with my brothers, it was not appreciated. These people don't see. So, after this fight onwards, like it or not, I don't want to care anymore about them. I don't want to put anymore effort in these relationships when all you get in return is heartache. Let them zi gei hou chi wai zi. It's useless for me to care about them, to try to be good to them when in fact they never treat me as their sister after all. I just care and be there for my parents, and that's it. All this while, I tried to make my mum happy by being nice to them. But now, I know I can't do it anymore.

Let me just say, if brothers and sisters relationship and love is strong, will they quarrel just because of small matters? For example, my big bro invited us to go to his house for his son's birthday and in the end we wanted to have it celebrated in my mum's house instead and he thought it was my idea and we fight over it. Or another example, when the children fight, I sounded meimei because practically she started the fight, I was scolded for 'ku ng tim ji gei ge chai chow hui gu yan dei ge lui' when all I did as an aunt was just to teach my own niece. I mean what the hell, we are no strangers. We are a family. I teach because I care, not because 'ngor gu ng tim chi gei ge chai' nothing to do 'lei gu lei ge lui'. If brothers and sisters love is strong, we wouldn't even fight over the children. How ridiculous!

It all started with that meimei stepping on lunz's finger while he was trying to wear his shoes. So, I warned her off and this has sparked dislike in my brother. I did not noticed the dislike earlier. I had already left mum's house when I realized I forgot to take Lunz's uniform and headed back up again to take it. I heard him shouting at my mum like a crazy dog from the staircase. I went back inside and asked what was the fight all about. I told the crazy dog nicely, whatever you don't like you talk to me, don't shout at the mother like that. I was shocked when he raised his voice angrily and loud, shouting from beneath his lungs that who am I to scold his daughter!

Crazy dog: Chi gei ge chai dou ku ng tim, chow ng mou ku yan dei ge lui.
Me: I didn't even beat her, I just sounded her only because she started it.
Crazy dog: Lunz started it, you never say anything.
Me: I also scold him what.
Crazy dog: Lunz is naughty to meimei also I never say anything. Why you go and say things now.
Me: I never barred you from scolding Lunz if he is wrong. Children fight kor chow suen ge la. Like this also you want to put it in your heart.
Crazy dog: You also know how to say la, children fight, then why you go and scold my daughter!

NGOR CHAR DOU....

Me: I scold because I care as an aunt.
Crazy dog: No, thank you! Lei ku tim chi gei ge chai sin le! The daughter is mine, none of your business.
Me: Don't you dare shout at your mother like that again.
Crazy dog: The mother is also mine. You don't have to teach me what to do (As if saying, the mother is mine also, I have the right to scold as when and where I want)

Mum kept pushing me to leave. The fella has gone crazy. He was shouting most of the time. I can't stand him, I shouted back at him also. He nearly want to hit me when I was standing right in front of him. I told myself at that time, you lay your hands on me and that's it. I will make police report and that's the end of our relationship! But he managed to hold back. In the end, I left because mum kept on pushing me to the front door. But when I was going down the staircase, I can still hear his voice. What he said to my mum, I don't really know. But I think he dare not hit her because I knew my mum will do something if he did. She isn't a person that will keep quiet.

Blardy hell...this kind of people is so heartless. With his manners, he never respect and treat me as his older sister. So, that's it. I don't want to waste my energy on these people anymore.

Daddy has brought up the idea to let Lunz stay in childcare until I picked him up after work. In short, don't let my mum babysit him anymore. Less encounter, less the quarrel. I'm still considering. I even asked daddy to look after lunz at night while I'm in Sweden, don't let him stay behind with my mum because I'm afraid what the crazy dog might do later if the children fights again. I was helpless that I can't do much for mum and dad. I told daddy, I can't go back in the circle anymore, and if you also don't care for me, there is no where I can head to....