Sleeping On His Own

Lunz has started sleeping in his own room 2 days ago (his room is finally ready!) when we got the double bed from mum on Monday. We got the beds exchanged, of course. I gave my brother the newly bought single foam bed (for meimei) while mum gave me the pocket spring queen size bed, a maroon colored bed frame and 2 sets of queen size bedsheets. The Barter System! Haha!

So, we settled him in on Monday night itself and here are the results:

Monday (31 August 2009)
I had a very strong separation anxiety that I felt so upset. I mean my baby has been co-sleeping with me for the past 4 years and it's hard to face the fact that starting today onwards he has to sleep on his own. I told myself, could he be still young to sleep on his own? I mean he doesn't have any siblings and sleeping on his own in a room seems kinda lonely to me. But, on the other hand, if I don't separate him now, when will be the right time to do so? After all, he is a big boy now already and he knows a lot of things.

Anyway, we try to put him to bed in his new room. I knew being the first night in a complete new and strange room, even the little one will need time to get used to it. So, I slept with him on his bed on that night. The whole night through. But, I knew I was the one who's experiencing the separation anxiety. What a strange thing it is...because when we used to sleep next to each other, I hardly get good sleep throughout the night because the little fella will demonstrate his Kungfu stances. And now, without him, I felt that something was missing. How strange the feeling is when he is just sleeping separately from us in the next room, and nothing more. And it seems so hard to let him go. Perhaps I should learn to be a parent that can and will let go of her own children for them to have space to grow up. I should learn that.

Tuesday(1 September 2009)
On the second night, it was much easier (because daddy put him to bed instead!). I lit the burner with aromatherapy oil and dimmed the lights to create a comfortable sleepy environment for him but he complaint it was smelly. Hmmmpphh....in the end, I took the burner over to my room. I told daddy I need to take my bath and he will put the little one to bed. After some story reading time, all lights went off and after I had taken my bath, I saw daddy sitting nearby the door. One of the methods - sit nearby the bed and tell the kid that once he doze off, daddy or mummy will go down to watch TV (or do whatever as long as the kid was informed that you are around in the house and that he has the security he will be able to find you within reach if he needs you). Don't sleep on the bed with him and left after he has fallen asleep because it will be even worse when he wakes up and couldn't find you. He will not trust you anymore.

But daddy told Lunz he need to go working pulak when he has fallen asleep later! Ish Ish Ish! Working is leaving the house and it's not good to inform him that we will be leaving the house and him behind. But daddy told me he don't know what else to tell him. Maybe his concept of working is working from home eh? :P

Daddy, you can try telling him that you will go down to watch TV or play with computer in the computer room. Tell him we are in the house. The little fella understands one.

Daddy turned on the bedside lamp before he left the room and I switched off his air-cond before I went to bed. His room is very cold at night with natural cold air and it's sufficient with just turning on the fan. We both let the doors of our room opened.

But I can't sleep....

I woke up more than 5 times yesterday just to check on him. Whether he was alright, whether he was comfortable, whether he had his blanket on him, whether he will wake up looking for me and all sorts of things. And our bed. It seems so small now with both me and daddy on it. Previously, we had the bed on the floor attached next to Lunz's single bed and I had the whole bed to myself because daddy will normally sleep separately in another mattress. Maybe I'm just too worried about the kid that I can't sleep. I will have to get used to it.

Lunz slept through the whole night only waking up in the morning when I had to get ready for work. But he fell back to sleep again after he had his bottle of milk. We will see how tonight goes.

Frankly, I'm very proud of my son because (*touchwood*) he has never thrown any tantrum when he first started school and when he has to get back to school after every holiday breaks. He never cried (*touchwood again*) when he has to sleep in separate rooms. He is really a mature and brave boy.

Below are some pictures taken of his fully designed and furnished room...ermmm...without the bedside lamp (as I hadn't found one yet at that time) and the double bed.

Corner back end of his room.

Cupboard and the dressing table.

The bed was put right at the end on the wooden parquet.
The tiles were the extended area.

I have to kneel up and down to draw different shapes with different colors on the wooden panel skirting. Pretty tiring!

Door connected to the toilet. Daddy painted it white while I drew pictures on it with the left-over acrylic paints. Took me 2 hours for just a simple drawing like that because I had to apply 2 coats of paint for it to look nice.

Honestly, I enjoyed painting and I still have a lot of paints left. If the wall was not coated with a fresh new layer of pearl paint, I would have painted more. I'll see what I can do with the remaining paints.

His room looks more like a nursery or a play area more than a bedroom huh?

By the way, some articles that I found online that I would like to share out. Please feel free to let your comments flow in:

Co-Sleeping: Bad for Parents, Bad for Children

I love my children. I love to wrap my arms around them, hold them closely and kiss their soft faces as they sleep at night. But I know that as much as I love them and always want to hold them close, sometimes what a child needs most is his own space. It is for this reason that I feel strongly, as a parent and an early childhood educator that the place for children at night is in their own beds.

I have read the many articles supporting the concept of co-sleeping and I am not convinced. Yes, co-sleeping is often the easiest choice. The easiest way to get a child to go to sleep may be to lie down next to him in your bed and fall asleep together. But does the fact that it is the easiest step make it the best one? Here are my reasons for encouraging parents to stand fast on this issue and insist that their children sleep in their own beds.

Co-Sleeping is Bad for Parents

I love my children. But I also love my husband and value our relationship. In my experience, both personally and professionally, I find that happy parents have an easier time raising happy children. The only time that my husband and I have together to relax, talk, discuss our lives and express our love to each other is at night after our children go to sleep. The time we spend alone in our bedroom is essential for us as a couple. Also, this time is important for me, as an individual. I need to know that after a certain time at night, my evening belongs to me.

Of course, as a parent there are always nights where this is not possible. All children have bad nights where they need extra attention. But this does not have to be every night. I strongly believe that parents, who have time to themselves as well as time with their children, make better parents in the long run.

Co-Sleeping Is Bad For Children

So what if what I said above does not apply to you? Maybe you and your husband have jointly decided that time alone is not a priority right now. I certainly respect and admire this decision.I would still encourage you, however, to consider if co-sleeping is the best choice for your child.

Co-Sleeping Is Bad for Older Children Too

So what about co-sleeping for older children? Clearly there is no risk of suffocation for two or three-year-olds that can sleep in adult beds.

I would suggest that parents who wish to let older children sleep with them, consider the message that they send to their children. Why do children want to sleep with their parents? Children are saying, "I need you for everything. I need you to get me dressed, to feed me, to take me places and to….sleep." The parent, by saying yes, says to the child, "That's right, you do. You can't do it alone. You will always need me to help you, even during the night. Twenty-four hours a day, I will be there."

As parents, we want to always be there for our children. But in real life we can't be. By giving our children the message that they always need a parent, we set up a cycle that a parent cannot and should not live up to. One of the things we must teach our children is not just how to do things, but how to do things on their own. A young child does need his parents for eating, for clothing, for transportation and all basic needs. The one thing he does not need his parents for is sleeping. By allowing children to sleep on their own from a young age, we teach children something that is essential for growth - you are an individual - there are things you can do without a parent.

Instead, I would encourage parents to do the following. Show your children love with hugs, kisses and warmth throughout the day. Hold them close. Allow them to cuddle up in your arms as you put them to sleep and run into your room in the morning for a good morning hug in your arms (and bed.) But let them know that because you love them, they need to learn to sleep alone.

All Rules Have Exceptions

Now I know that I have come down strongly against co-sleeping and I want to make sure that there is no misunderstanding. Every rule is meant to be broken. If there is a night that your child needs extra attention, then make an exception. Every now and then, for a special treat and encouragement, a turn in Mommy or Daddy's bed is acceptable.

But you cannot make so many exceptions that your child will no longer remember the rule. If every other night is an exception, then you set yourself up for a fight every night. In my home there are two exceptions to this rule:

1. When one of my children is sick. (Sick being defined as actual fever or serious injury.)
   
   
2. When my husband is away on a business trip. This allows my children to get extra attention while a parent is absent and does not interfere with my relationship with my husband.

Of course, each parent needs to determine which rules and exceptions belong in their home. These exceptions work for my family. Your family may be different.

I would encourage parents who are considering co-sleeping to think about the issues that I discuss in this article and make an informed choice. Insisting that a child sleep in his own bed is not usually the easiest choice, but in my opinion, it is the best one.

Choose wisely. Don't take the easy way out.

Another article:

When a School-Age Child Won't Sleep Alone

Break down the problem
When a child seems to avoid sleeping in her own bed, it's sometimes helpful to think of the problem as having two separate parts and then tackle each part separately. These are (1) helping the child feel comfortable sleeping in her own bed; and (2) helping her learn (or relearn) to fall asleep without her parents present.

Consistent enforcement is key
To help your child feel comfortable sleeping in her own bed, you must first make a rule that she does in fact sleep in her own bed. Then you need to enforce the rule consistently. If your child comes into your room in the middle of the night, gently pick her up or take her by the hand and lead her back to her own room. You may have to do this several times a night at first, but if you give in and allow your child to stay in your room, or in your bed, you will have only taught her to be more persistent.

Helping your child fall asleep alone
Some experts recommend a cold turkey approach, which amounts to putting a child in her bed and walking out. But there is a gentler way that is just as effective, although it takes a bit longer. Start by sitting in your child's room, within eyesight of your child but not talking or interacting in any way, until she falls asleep. Then leave the room. If she awakens in the middle of the night, repeat this procedure.

After a few days of this, move your chair so that you sit a little farther away. Once your child is comfortable with this distance, move outside your child's sight while promising to stay nearby until she falls asleep. Usually after a day or two of this, the child is ready to fall asleep on her own, with the reassurance that her parents are nearby in case she needs them.

Sometimes a child will try to make a parent promise to stay nearby all night long. It isn't wise to make such an unrealistic promise, because your eventual absence is sure to be discovered by your child, who may then have difficulty trusting you. Instead, you can honestly reply that you will not stay right there all night, but you will be near enough to return to the room if your child needs you. Most children accept this reassurance, perhaps after testing once or twice to see that their parents really do come back if they call for them.